I really don't know how to write down what I'm feeling right now. I know it might sound like I'm whining, maybe I am, but I'm not handling this particular trial with any kind of grace. I don't like this trial. I really wish instead of Heavenly Father making it easier for me to bear, He would just take it away. I know it's for my own good and I will be thankful for it someday, but right now I feel like I've had enough. It's probably a good thing that I'm not the one in charge. Somedays, it is easy to bear. Somedays, I hardly even think about it. Hardly. Which means I do still but only for a few moments. Other days, I want to cry all day long. It feels like I've lost something so dear to me. Something I never had. It's deep emotional pain. I feel useless and empty.

I am doing all that our finances will allow, going to doctors, trying everything we can. I'm praying everyday. So it's not like I'm doing nothing and complaining about not getting what I most desire.

I hate that this pain comes in waves. It ebbs for a while. I feel like I can make it through anything. Then it returns with such a strong force that it catches me off guard. Then the questions come, as they always do. Why is this not happening for us, when it's something that's such a righteous desire? This is what I was put on the earth for, right? This is why I'm a woman. This is what has been commanded of us. So why is it so hard? Why do others have such an easy time at it? I know Heavenly Father has this all under control. I just get impatient and want to grab the big picture out of His hands and look at it for myself. I don't know what I would do then. Probably get even more impatient because I'll know what's coming.

I'm so happy, so very happy for friends who don't have this problem. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's so hard. But I can't wait for the day when I can join in their happy cries of "We're expecting!" I don't want to be misunderstood. I want my friends to tell me if they are expecting. It's such happy news that I love to be a part of. I don't want people to walk on egg shells around Ryan and I. This is just a trial that we've been chosen to go through.

And go through it we will. I know that there is a loving Father in Heaven who watches out for us. There is hope.

There are occasionally hard days for each of us. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds. Opportunities will eventually open to you.
- President Gordon B. Hinkley

It's Here!

We are now open for business!! These aprons are so cute, you'll want to wear them everyday. We are always making more, so if you don't see one that catches your eye, keep checking back.

My good friend Kellie and I got our inspiration from a book about aprons and how they can be worn as a fashion accessory. Ours fit that discription. They are also functional. What more could you want? Come on by!

Just click on the Liberated Aprons button to the right.

I'm a Writer

I was just reading my good friends Kjristi's blog today. In one of her posts, she explained why she is a writer. What one does in one's spare time defines what they are. She said that what she does when she has down time is write, therefore, she's a writer. I thought to myself, what do I do when I have down time? I used to be able to answer this question with "I write", but sadly and shamefully, I have to honestly answer "I watch T.V.". So does that make me a T.V.? That is kind of sad.

This has given me cause to reevaluate myself and what I do and what I am becoming. I used to read A LOT! I used to write A LOT! In fact, I was getting really good at writing, so good I wanted to write a book and have it published and have a movie made from it (Ok, maybe I'm not that good)! I'm not being arrogant, I'm just saying that I was blessed with a gift that I have successfully buried...deep.

So, now I think it is time to pick up that figurative shovel and start digging my talent out of the dirt, for that is indeed where I have buried the poor thing, right in the dirt. First of all, I need to ask forgiveness from my Father in Heaven for neglecting this talent that He has given me. Because I know that it's from Him that I have received it. Second, I have to be patient with myself, which I'm not very good at. I've been getting frustrated lately when I try to write. I get a block. I hate the block! But I just have to realize that it takes time to get back to where I was, and become better. Writing in my journal will help. Just putting down in words what is going on in my head, not worrying that someone will read it and think I'm crazy (which, if someone did read my journal, they would for sure know that I'm crazy), will help so much in digging my way out.

Also, writing more on my blog. Sorry to those of you who read this blog, but I will be getting a little more personal, and a little bit more wordy. But like I've said in the past, I view my blog as a journal. Which shows you how much I write in my actual journal... not very much. And, anyway, you're the one who has chosen to read this blog, so I don't feel sorry for you.

I need to get on this before a pair of antennae start growing out of my head. I do not want to be like Jimmy Jet and turn into a T.V.!!

Happy Writing to Me!!!

Coming Soon!!

Coming Soon to an Etsy Shop Near You!!!!

Details to follow...

An Update and My Thoughts

Talking to Kelly makes me very happy. I'm grateful that she and Andrew are safe. Have I mentioned that yet? I've come to understand something. Heavenly Father blesses us in ways we don't understand. In talking with her, I can hear things she hasn't said. "Why would God save our apartment and our things and leave our friends and others with nothing?" That would be my thoughts as well. But, I think I have a portion of the answer. Kelly and Andrew have opened their home to their friends. They have fed them, sheltered them, and have been able to help them clean up and salvage what they can. That, I think, is a tremendous thing. They are both very service oriented people. They think of others before themselves. Heavenly Father has given them the opportunity to serve in a very unique way. They have been working very hard all day everyday since the tornado. They are tired. Kelly said that she just wishes she could be studying and taking her finals. I'm sure she never thought she would say that. She said she never wants to do this again. Who would? But, she said it's been amazing seeing all of the kind acts around her. People have come in from serveral different states to volunteer to help. Volunteers at the hospitals have been turned away because they were already full. Kelly and a friend were walking down the street to get something to eat and a man in a truck stopped and gave them each two big bags of groceries.
I know events such as these can bring out the good and the bad in people, but it's so wonderful to see how much good can come of it. What I see is mostly good. I'm so grateful for people who give of themselves without even thinking about it. It's a wonderful thing.

Speaking of giving of themselves, our troops made an interesting discovery yesterday. And they shot and killed that discovery. Osama bin Ladan. The very name makes me cringe. He was the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks, and many many other horrific things. He's been elusive for the past ten years, hiding in caves and such. But we caught him. Now he's dead. The president gave a speach last night giving the details of how it happened. Apparently he was the one to find him. He was the one who risked his life going to the place Osama was hidden and he was the one who pulled the trigger. Not really. That's just the way he made it seem. I'm glad that terrorist has finally been delt with, but the way Obama seemed to take credit for the whole thing just disgusted me. His approval rating has been dropping and I can't help but wonder if he's using this as a way to boost that. In fact, I don't wonder at all. That's exactly what he's doing. I know that it takes the permission of the Cheif to execute a military plan, but he kept saying "I", not "we". I'm so thankful for the many people who have given their lives in the fight against terrorism and who have been diligent and patriotic. I just wish we had a president who was made from the same stock as they. He did thank the troops and their families for their sacrifice, but it was tainted in my mind. If he wasn't so bent on getting his ratings up, it would have been a really nice speech. As you can see, I'm not particularly a fan of Mr. President.

Despite all of that, it's a good day. One of the most evil and vile people on earth has been killed.

"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure". -Mark Twain

Ruby Slippers

This is what you would call a tornado. Not just any tornado, an F5 tornado, which is the highest rating a tornado gets. It swept through Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where, it just so happens, my sister Kelly and her husband Andrew live, at 6 pm on Thursday April 27th. It blew one block away from Kelly, as she was huddled in her bathroom, trying to talk to Andrew on the phone. He couldn't hear her over the enormous sound of the wind. It was so close. She could hear glass breaking and the roof creaking. Her apartment building was shaking and she could hear trees being slammed to the ground. When it had passed, she walked out of the bathroom (which had no windows, smart girl) expecting to find her apartment demolished. It was, thanks be to God, in one piece. She walked outside to see the neighborhood across the street from her completely flattened.
Andrew was on his way home from Birmingham. He had to park outside Tuscaloosa and walk the remaining two miles home. There was too much debris on the roads. But he made it home to Kelly safe and sound.
I can't imagine experiencing something like that. Kelly said the sound was terrifying, and she was experiencing this all alone. She's a strong woman. I'm thankful to my Father in Heaven that they are safe. It makes me sick thinking how close it got to Kelly.
With Kelly and Andrew living in Alabama, I had some slight worries that a tornado would touch down there. But I always imagined it to be one of those skinny little tornadoes. Never did I think a mile wide twister would rampage through their little city. I still just can't believe it. It's like, these things should only exist in the movies. I can't put into words how grateful I am that they are safe.

One of the Greatest Guys in the World

I decided, since we only have a year left here in Cleveland, that I should write about the wonderful people we have met. Today, I'm going to start with this awesome young man, Leonard Tarver.

One Sunday, the missionaries called us and asked us to pick up someone who was interested in going to our church. We said we would. We got to his house and when Leonard walked out, I looked at him then at our car, and back to him.

"I don't think he's going to fit", I said while scooting my seat up as far as I could. I said hello with my knees under my chin. Leonard is about 10 feet tall. Just kidding, he only seems that tall. He's about 6'7". He got in the car and right away, I knew this was somebody special.

Leonard with Elder Jensen and Elder Saxton, the best missionaries ever, (I'll talk about those two later) on his baptism day.

Leonard got baptized not long after he was introduced to the LDS church. He has lived his testimony to the utmost, and is such an amazing example. He told us that he was invited to try out for the Cleveland Cavaliers recruitment team. He was so excited. He found out the try-outs were going to be held on a Sunday. He knew that he would be compromising his beliefs and faith if he were to go through with it, so he decided not to try out. That is tremendous faith in action. I get choked up whenever I think about that.

He moved to Pittsburgh a few months ago, and we have missed him so much. He was in church last Sunday and it was really good to see him. He gave me a big hug (I hugged his waist). That made me so happy. He's preparing to go on a mission now. He's 25, so that is quite a sacrafice for him to leave. He's so kind and thoughtful. And he's funny. I wish him all the best. He deserves it. Seriously.

Still?!?

This is what it looks like outside of my window, at this very moment...

I wish those were warm blossoms atop those branches, but alas...
cold snow is perched, if beautifully where blossoms should be.

Spring, I know I'm impatient, but seriously, you really need to get here like yesterday. Winter is just sticking around way too long. It has worn out it's welcome. Come on now, I thought we were buddies.

D.R. Through The Lens of a Camera

La Republica Dominicana

Elementary School Artwork of the Dominican Republic

Dentists and Student dentists working in the D.R.

(My Baby)

Yes, I'm pulling a tooth!

More to come...