Go Grizzlies!

As I was on Facebook today, I saw a lot of pictures of my friends from high school. A lot of them I haven't seen since graduation day twelve years ago. All of the sudden I started to ache for those days. I closed my eyes and in my head I could see the stage where I performed with the Dance Company. I coud hear the cheers of the crowd in the football field. I could see the choir room where I sang with friends everyday. I could see the lockers where my friends and I would gather to talk before class. There are many eighteen year olds who can't wait to graduate high school and get on with their lives and become adults and be responsible. I was never one of those eighteen year olds. I never wanted to be an adult. Sadly, I still don't. I still feel like that sixteen year old girl full of energy, dancing at football games and going to hang out at a friends house. Yes, my grades suffered because all I wanted to do was have fun, but back then, that's all that mattered. And yes, I did have fun. Dance Company, boys, friends, and boys were all I thought about. It's funny, I was much more sure and confident back then than I am now. I had it all, I thought. Graduating from high school was very hard for me. It took me a while to get over the fact that, yes I had to be a grown up now. And yes, I probably wouldn't see a lot of those people ever again. Sad, sad days.


But I did get over it. I miss high school. But I wouldn't trade where I am now for anything. If someone told me they could turn back time and I could do it all over again, I would reply with an absolute no. It would be tempting, but I would be without my husband. I couldn't be without him. I couldn't be without all the people that are now in my life or the wonderful experiences I've had since then.

I'm turning 31 in a couple weeks. I know that I do need be more adult. But I don't think I need to completely let go of that sixteen year old girl. I think I'm lucky that I still have that child inside me, that one that helps me see the hope and happiness in life. She helps me, especially when I'm feeling insecure and awkward, to remember that I am ok. I'm always beating myself up about how I never act my age and that I've never really grown up. But today I realized that sometimes that's ok (I do need to improve on that though). It's me. I can still have fun and be happy. When I have children of my own, they will be happy that their mother can go out and have fun with them. And hopefully I can embarrass the crap out of them!!

High School was awesome. The people and experiences I had there have helped me become who I am. So thank you Sam, Ryan P., Brent, Tony, Stacy, Bryan, Ryan D., Stephanie, Angie, Joe, Ashley, Homer, Jason, Henning, Evelyn, all of my Dance Co. friends, choir friends, and more (doesn't it sound like I just won an Academy award or something?..."Oh don't play the music yet... eh, it doesn't matter, most of these people don't read this anyway"...)

As I thought more about those days, the lyrics to Don Henley's "Boys of Summer" came to my mind:
"...A little voice inside my head said,
'Don't look back, you can never look back'
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but..."

Thanks Guys! You're the best!